


Ouija Boards and Regret

by IWasAlwaysDead



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Anal Play, Betrayal, Fluff and Angst, Forgiveness, Lost Love, M/M, Ouija, Regrets, Sad with a Happy Ending, Smut, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:26:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24308929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IWasAlwaysDead/pseuds/IWasAlwaysDead
Summary: Even though he hates to admit it, Light is desperate for L. Feeling foolish, he consults a Ouija board.
Relationships: L/Yagami Light
Comments: 9
Kudos: 55





	Ouija Boards and Regret

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NiaChase](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NiaChase/gifts).



> I wrote this fic based on a meme prompt by request for my sweet, super cute girlfriend NiaChase.

He wasn't going to do it. Light returned to his old bedroom,  heavy duffel hitting the floor with a loud thud . To distract himself, Light began unpacking. There would be no giving into his emotions, his desires. No, he'd unpack and refold his clothes so they either lay neatly in his dresser or hung nicely in his closet. Then the toiletries would go back in his attached bathroom. His razor, his after shave.  It was when he reached in his black zip up travel bag and pulled out the nearly empty bottle of lube that  his whole body seemed to stutter for a moment.

_H_ _mmmm_ _._ He glanced back into his bedroom and his dick twitched in his slacks as he caught a glimpse of the head of his dildo. It wouldn't be like it was with L, but it would help. Maybe. By the time Light had his pants and underwear off and the bottle of lube open, his dick was fully erect. Light knelt by the bed and closed his eyes as he held the velvety soft cock level with his mouth, arms resting on the bed. He kissed the tip, eyes closed, pretending it was L. “You're so hard for me,” he whispered before engulfing and sucking on the dildo. Holding it firm with one hand, his other dripped the last bit of lube onto his erection and began stroking as he sucked. He groaned and growled as he pleasured himself, unable to help the occasional buck of his hips.

Soon Light moved his sticky fingers to his puckered backside and began fingering himself open. The red, hard tip of his dick kept hitting the mattress and he hissed as he pulled of the dildo. He’d need to get on the bed for this. Ceasing all activity, he climbed onto his bed. On the mattress, he got on his knees and face, ass in the air and he plunged the dildo inside. Light grit his teeth and clutched the sheets, trying not to scream. He'd always had the freedom to scream at HQ, where the walls were soundproof. That wasn’t quite the case back here in his childhood home. So, even though he loved the sting of doing it rough, he'd have to abuse himself quietly.

And quietly abuse himself he did.  He chose a ferocious pace, and tears welled in his eyes as his prostate took hit after hit.  The assault on his body caused sweat to drip and  precome to leak. Light buried his  face in bedding to stifle his sobs. Clenched eyes let him dream that L was  the one pounding him relentlessly from behind, punishing him for being Kira, a liar, for being a murderer.

“Ah!” Light couldn’t help the muffled yelp that escaped him as he came onto his comforter.  The dizzying climax gave great release, but it also came at a cost.  _ Don’t cry _ _ , _ _ you pussy. Don’t you fucking do it.  _ Light’s body collapsed onto the mess he made and he didn’t care that it was cold and wet. His hand left the dildo, which made its way out of his body on its own.  Shame washed over him as the  tears spilled across his pretty cheeks and onto the comforter. He hated himself, deep down.  All the  pride  and confidence was a farce. A well constructed web of lies he told himself. He wasn’t a God. He wasn’t even a king. He was a bastard who murdered his best friend to gain power.  A piece of shit who took true love and tore it to shreds. He’d killed a truly innocent man. A man who loved him with a perfect, almost child like innocence and Light threw it away like it was nothing.

But it wasn’t  _ nothing  _ and he knew that.  It was everything and he figured it out too late.  Sure, he could push his feelings down and be the perfect son and perfect God and perfect liar. But in moments like these where he was a mess and allowed himself to recall that loving, sensual touch that only the worlds greatest detective could provide, that’s when he fell apart.

Sitting up on the bed, legs dangling off its edge, Light wiped his face and avoided looking in the mirror. It was time to pull himself together. He was Kira, God of the New World. This path was full of sacrifice; he knew that going in. Standing, he breathed deep and narrowed his eyes. A fresh shower and change of clothes would do him good, he thought. Walking back across the room, he reached into his duffel for toiletries. Pulling the bag out, Light hesitated when he noticed the small wooden box on the bottom of the bag. “Oh.” He’d forgotten all about the Ouija board Sayu had gifted him after L died. 

“He’s not really gone!” She’d announced it as though she had made a great discovery. He didn’t have the heart to tell her these boards were fake. As usual, Light accepted the gift with feigned thanks and more grace than necessary.  _ Of course he’s really gone. I made sure of that. _

Silly girl.

Light stood straight and turned to go shower, putting the little box that unfolded into a hoax that was possibly greater than his own out of his mind. Hot water and soap could wash away the stench of his transgressions. It had to. 

Feeling refreshed, Light was still towel drying his hair when he noticed the wooden Ouija board box had moved out onto the middle of his bedroom floor. He didn't recall taking it out but then again he hadn't been himself in quite a while. Maybe he had and just not paid attention. Though, setting it on the floor wouldn't have been his first choice. The dresser seemed more appropriate to him. He shrugged and walked passed it. Opening the top drawer of his dresser, he pulled out a red sweater and khaki pants to wear. As he dressed, Light considered opening the box. He hadn’t bothered with it since Sayu gave it to him. At least this way he could say he had.

“Hmmm,” Light sat cross-legged before it on the floor. It unfolded into a flat board, the joints nearly disappearing as the well crafted, wooden rectangle lay spread before him. Light picked up the hand carved wood planchette and inspected it. Everything about the Ouija board was beautiful. The English alphabet and the numbers below were gold leaf and stunning. At the bottom of the board there were four words, “Hello,” “Goodbye,” “Yes,” and “No,” all written in block lettering in that stunning gold leaf.

Light set the  planchette down and rolled his eyes at himself.  “Are you there, L?” He waited a moment, his hand perfectly still. His  breathing was  the loudest thing in the room as he stared at the board, waiting  for  _ something  _ to happen. “This is stupid.”

“Light! Dinner!”

The sudden call from downstairs  startled Light and his hand accidentally slid the  planchette across the board to the “Yes,”.  _ Pft _ _.  _ _ Yeah, okay. Like I believe he answered. _

“Coming!” Light called as he left the Ouija board on the floor and raced downstairs. He was famished. There was nothing better than his mother’s home cooking. Watari did a pretty good job with food while he lived with L at HQ, but nobody cooked like Sachiko Yagami.

After dinner, Light was full and tired and ready for bed. He’d all but forgotten about the board.  Once back in his bedroom, however, he noticed the moon casting an eerie glow upon it.  “Oh yeah,” he thought out loud.  Light sat cross legged once again before the board and placed three fingers on the  planchette and moved it to the center of the board . “L, are you there? ”

Nothing happened, and Light huffed, feeling stupid. “I don’t know why I bothered.” He began uncrossing his legs and lifted his hand from the planchette when suddenly something bitterly cold slammed his hand upon it and forced it over to the “yes”. Light froze, fear causing the hair on his body to raise and his spine to tingle. _Oh, fuck._

“How do I know it's really you?”  _ And not  _ _ Ryuk _ _ being an asshole. _

Light’s  hand became cold again as it moved with the  planchette across the board. It went slowly this time. “O-n-l-y,” Light sounded out loud, “I… wou \- what? L!  Hahaha ! ”  Embarrassed, Light pulled his hands up to cover his face. L had said, “ Only I would ever do that _ thing you like  _ with my tongue.” 

The color faded from Light’s cheeks and with composure regained, he placed his hand back on the  planchette . “Did it- did it hurt? When you died, I mean.”

The  planchette began moving again and Light burst into tears.  There was no holding it in this time, no pretending.  L had replied, “Not nearly as much as seeing the look on your face.”

Light covered  his mouth to attempt to stifle a sob. “I'm so sorry,” he choked out, wiping snot and spit and tears from his red face. “ I hate myself. I hate what I did to you.”

The  planchette moved. “Enough.”

Light nodded in understanding and pulled himself together. “I really did love you. I still love you. I live with this horrible regret everyday and I hate it. I hate everything.”

“I love you too,” spelled out the  planchette , and Light cried again, softer this time.

“I would do anything to make it up to you. “

The  planchette moved and Light laughed once again. “Go get your dildo,” L had said.


End file.
